Last week, Fran Schonenberg, host of Services for Older Citizens' cable show, invited me on her show to discuss the sensitive topic of when an elderly citizen might need help in his or her home. Before the taping began, Fran and I were getting acquainted and she struck me as a perfect example of what it means to age successfully. www.socservices.org
Fran is vibrant and beautiful and fiercely independent. At 82, she cherishes her ability to do for herself and credits a regular fitness routine with keeping her strong and steady. She's been hosting the S.O.C. cable show at Grosse Pointe War Memorial for more than 20 years.
When I asked if she ever considered a walking aid as an extra precaution against falling, her face turned serious. "My friend says, 'Once you use a cane, people think you have no brain.'"
My heart sank. She's so right. How many times I've been in a restaurant with my mom and the waiter asked me for her order. Or we've been to one of my girl's dance performances and the usher asked me if the handicapped seating was sufficient.
There's still an argument between us before every outing over taking the wheelchair. "People think..." she says, and, rudely, I inevitably cut her off. "What do you care what people think. Would you rather not go out at all?"
Too often, she nods.
Despite her dementia and other health issues, Mom knows ageism. She's known it for a long time, and not until Fran put it to me so bluntly did I truly see the indignity of it all.
The pervasive stereotype is that the older person is a burden to society. As the cost of healthcare rages on and the aging boomer population gains momentum, this stereotype is likely to continue.
The best definition of ageism comes from Columbia University's International Longevity Center, which published one of the most extensive reports on the issue in 2006. www.mailman.columbia.edu/academic-departments/centers/international-longevity-center/publications
"Ageism, the denial of basic human rights of older persons, is one of the most pervasive prejudices across human society. Although ageism is less acknowledged than racism or sexism, it is a harmful prejudice that negatively affects older Americans, who experience widespread mistreatment, ranging from stereotypic and degrading media images to physical and financial abuse, unequal treatment in the workforce, and denial of appropriate medical care and services."
Tangible age discrimination can be fought with the force of law -- and it is. But our personal attitudes toward aging are so insidious that they actually contribute to our parents putting themselves at risk by avoiding the use of necessary walking aids because they fear "what people will think."
What's so ironic, is that we're all headed there. Maybe that fact alone will help us all “think” a bit differently so our parents can use their canes without shame. And that’s just for starters.
Anne Marie Gattari, president of BrightStar of Grosse Pointe / Southeast Macomb, can be reached at am.gattari@brightstarcare.com; 586.279.3610; http://www.brightstarcare.com/grosse-pointesoutheast-macomb
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