Goodbye Mrs. Ruh

Monday we say goodbye to Mrs. Ruh. Our long-time neighbor died last Friday. She was 90. My daughters and I loved her like she was our own. And in a sense she was. Mrs. Ruh has two very attentive adult sons who took good care of her. But we were “her girls,” she’d like to say.

Mrs. Ruh was my friend and the girls’ third grandmother for more than 20 years. She was smart and kind, stern and reliable. When I needed a last-minute baby-sitter, she was always there. When the girls needed a bandage or an ice pack, she was there for them too.

As she aged, Mrs. Ruh didn’t slow down, not much. Rather, she seemed to come to a screeching halt. One day we were having a normal conversation. The next, we weren’t. It’s striking how quickly her dementia progressed.

“Alzheimer’s is the thief that robs us of the people we love. It is creeping into our lives and stealing our future.” That’s how the Alzheimer’s Association puts it. I don’t disagree.

Helen Virginia Ritter was born in Elvins, Missouri, in 1920. She and her husband moved to Detroit after the War, and she practiced nursing here for more than 30 years, the majority of that time at Saratoga Hospital on Detroit’s eastside. 

Proper, serious-minded, stern and disciplined. That was Mrs. Ruh – so different from my unruly Italian family, I loved the contrast – and eventually my girls did too.

As children, however, they didn’t appreciate her unbending rules. One of my favorite memories is of her lightly poking at their legs in my kitchen, making them straighten up and sit tall at the table. I, of course, could never get such proper alignment out of them.

Mrs. Ruh was matter-of-fact on the outside and full of love and grace on the inside. She looked after her late husband’s “old aunt” who lived nearby and had no family of her own. She tried not to cry when her beloved Boxer, Daisy, died, but only a new pup brought back her smile.

She enjoyed Theresa’s and Catherine’s dance recitals and choir performances. She took pride in their good report cards and peppered her fireplace mantel and refrigerator with their pictures – right alongside photos of her own grandchildren.

The same age as my own parents, her health declined along with theirs. Though her dementia came on later than my mom’s, it progressed much faster.

Every time the girls and I visited in the past year, there was less of Mrs. Ruh. She tried hard to hold on to a few facts about Theresa’s first year in college and Catherine’s summer job.

What is happening to our aging loved ones? Why must we lose so many of them months or, in some cases, years before they’re gone for good? Why this deterioration of the mind?

Researchers around the world are trying to answer those questions. The Alzheimer’s Association continues to keep the issue in front of us so funding and medical advances will follow. This month begins a nationwide campaign to raise money for more research. The Walk to End Alzheimer’s on Aug. 27 at the Detroit Zoo is one of 21 walks in Michigan. To register, go to http://www.alz.org/walk/findawalk

Wayne State University’s Institute of Gerontology also is heavily involved in the world-wide race to find answers. It promotes successful aging in many ways – through research on memory loss and other aspects of aging, through community forums and educational conferences, and through its world renown graduate program on aging. http://www.iog.wayne.edu

As we bury Mrs. Ruh, we won’t forget the more than 5 million Americans affected by Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia.

Funeral service is Monday, Aug. 8, at noon at the A. H. Peters Funeral Home, 20705 Mack Avenue at Vernier Road, Grosse Ponte Woods. Share a memory at http://ahpeters.com

Memorial contributions may be made to Multiple Sclerosis Society http://www.nationalmssociety.org/donate or St. John’s Hospice http://www.saintjohnshospice.org