The Most Emotional Decision: Home Care for your Parents

Sept. 25, 2011

After reading about BrightStar home care coming to the eastside, residents have been calling to inquire about getting help for their parents, their spouses, even themselves. The details of their stories are unique. But the pain and frustration in their voices are not. It is all so familiar. Not so long ago, that was me on the other end of the line.

There's a process we all go through before the caregiver knocks on the door. For some, the processtakes longer than it does for others. It often starts with an internet search or a newspaper article that catches our eye. We do considerable research to learn what kind of care is available and who provides it.

There's companion care -- keeping your folks company and helping with meals and housework. There's personal care for those who need assistance with their daily activities -- bathing, dressing, toileting. And there's skilled nursing care for those with more specific medical needs.

During the research phase, we go back and forth. Do we really need to hire someone to come and do what we can do, what we should be able to do?

Here was how my sisters and I thought for almost two years: "They just need a little company, I can stop in after work on Tuesday." "He needs a ride to his doctor's appointment. I can take a long lunch next Wednesday." "She needs a reminder to take her insulin. I'll tape a note to the refrigerator door and call every morning."

In time, the facts become all too clear: "a little company" really came to mean "Mom can't give herself a shower." "A ride to his doctor" really meant "setting up a series of blood tests and followups for his out-of-whack coumiden levels." "Reminder to take her insulin" really meant "we need to be there every morning to hand her the syringe."

In time, I went from internet searches and newspaper clippings to phone calls. I gathered facts. I did the math. I called family meetings. I advocated for outside help.

Then I went home and tried to imagine what it would be like to open the door to a stranger -- coming to do what I can do, what I should be able to do.

Even after winning agreement from my grumpy, frugal (that's putting it politely) Depression-era dad and my less-than-supportive siblings, I had a hard time taking that final step. Inviting someone into my parents' home to take care of them was one of the most difficult, emotional decisions I've ever had to make.

I understand what my callers are going through. It' a process. And when they're ready, BrightStar is here for them. One hour or 24.

A side note: Michigan has no licensure requirement for private duty in-home care and caregivers are not required to have formal training. To set ourselves apart, BrightStar is pursuing accreditation by the Joint Commission, a national health care watchdog organization that audits hospitals and nursing homes. Additionally, our caregivers are trained Certified Nurse Assistants, insured, bonded and background checked. They report to our Director of Nursing, Anthony Pizzo, a long-time eastside nurse with an extensive background in emergency medicine.

n  Anne Marie Gattari, president / owner, BrightStar of Grosse Pointe / Southeast Macomb, can be reached at 587.279.3610. am.gattari@brightstarcare.com ;  http://www.brightstarcare.com/grosse-pointesoutheast-macomb